They say, every relationship has ups and downs! Speaking of which, marriage is one of the pious relationships of all which brings so much positivity along with a few chunks of negativity as well. But, do you think you can handle those complexities alone?
When everything seems low in your relationship, be it a romantic relationship, or struggling with your child, that is exactly the point where the marriage counselor steps in. A marriage counselor has an important role to play in your marital life when you think your partner is throwing a lot on you and you are right on the edge to end your relationship, do you think you are making a wise decision? Do you think this decision would not bring any regrets along? Do you think you are able to go fight everything alone? Do you think you can answer every question your society asks? Do you think ending up a pious relationship will end your hardships? Take a guess again and you will figure it out yourself.
In our life, we have often seen couples getting married, and while attending a wedding, did you ever imagine yourself standing on that stage with your future partner envying that couple you are staring at? Okay, snap out of it already! Almost every one of us has either been through that, or imagined that. But have we ever tried thinking about the hardships and challenges marriage brings along? Most of us think of it as a fairy tale, while others have experienced the true essence of dealing with the adversities.
Several researches have been conducted on marriage counseling, also known as couples counseling. This is mainly because not everyone has a fairytale, as there are couples who are fighting the difficulties and challenges marriage brings along as a free gift.
Every couple is not a happy couple. Let’s take an example of marriage as a “glass”. Yes, you got it right, “a glass”. When two people get into a relationship, be it dating, engaged, or marriage, it brings loads of problems along. If the couple has figured out their own set of problem-solving techniques, chances are that the “glass”will not crack. Contrary to that, when the couple gets married and after the honeymoon period which usually lasts for about 6 months, the couple may have slight disagreements at first, which might eventually turn into huge complexities, infused with arguments and bashing, and moreover to spice things up, the couple develops faulty and off-beam patterns to deal with their problems, unfortunately, the glass cracks and everything shatters.
So, marital counseling helps you figure out not just your marital problems but works on your problem-solving techniques, helps you establish a healthy relationship with your partner, help you understand your relationship creating an improved vision and clarity over different aspects of your relationship especially in terms of resolving conflicts.
Marital counseling addresses issues on extra marital affairs, domestic abuse, financial abuse, loss of physical connection and attraction, feelings of insecurities and complexes, trust issues, separation or divorce, substance use, cultural differences, infidelity, incompatibility, and most importantly helps you resolve parenting issues if any. It is actually a win-win deal for you and your spouse if you want to make things right for both of you.
Importance of Marital Counseling
We may have come across people at least once in our life who are always complaining about their spouses who seem dissatisfied and unhappy with their partner and are busy playing the blame game, without knowing their part in messing up things. Do you know why? The reason is because they try sorting out things in their own different ways and eventually end up making things worse.
Researches say that it is important to seek help from a marital counselor as soon as you feel your relationship going down. The reason is because seeking help from a professional on right time will allow you to figure out and fix the problem as early as possible. On the contrary, research shows that couples who seek assistance 6 years after the marital conflicts, the probability of resolving the issues decreases.
Analyzing the Patterns
A marital counselor helps you analyze the patterns of your behavior to identify the triggers that are causing a conflict.It is important to know about the set of patterns an individual follows which is affecting the quality of their marital relationship.
Playing the role of a Mediator/Coach
One important role a marriage counselor plays is as a mediator and an unbiased coach. Every time that a couple is facing a problem, they both want someone who would listen to their problem without taking sides of another, or judging them. However, the counselor would make sure that the couple engages in healthy and effective communication.
A marriage counselor will help you and your partner discover together how to thrive, and work on your emotional connection to make your communication patterns more effective.
A couple needs to learn to accept differences instead of struggling to change their partner according to their desires and expectations. The counselor will help a couple figure out where the problem lies and teach acceptance.
To make your relationship work better, the counselor will teach you effective tools and assign you homework in an effort to create patterns that stand the test of time. These tools will help you eliminate undesirable habits and help confront reluctance and address underlying issues which are causing problems in their marriage.
In conclusion, it is high time to break the taboo to make your life worth living. Nothing can change overnight. It needs a lot of effort, patience, determination, and a couple of sessions to really get into the couple’s dynamics and initiate the process of change.
Author: Arooba Laraib
Clinical and Counselling Psychologist
Family First Institute